Supersize this, downsize me.

Well we are heading into month 5 of the exciting world of downsizing.

Its really starting to grind my gears. Its like that dating show The Bachelor. I would never degrade myself on television or for a man to pick me but the scenario is the same. It seems like there have been several mini dates for the Bachelor - The Director of Talent Management - to get to know some of the different personalities of the organization that he effects. He's been going around the country with his wingmen having mini dates with Managers and Administrators so that he can get a feel for what is the best relationship for the organization.

I've always been the type of person that hey "don't waste my time" if you like me we can click but if we don't gel I'm gone. I'm not a patient person when it comes to my life. I have my pension tied up in this place and 12 years of my time. I've given up playtime and sleep to make my part of the deal hmm along smoothly. Now its a trial cooling off period to see if we still like each other....

Basically I've been in limbo for almost 5 months. I don't even know if I should replace my BBQ right now because they are telling us its 'weeks' now to the big ROSE ceremony. Weeks could still mean months. There are 52 weeks in a year after all. At least there will be no more suffering of the don't ask specific questions we can only give you general answers teleconferences. Those I can gladly do without. So pal never mind the Rose ceremony, just call me up and say its over. I can save the gas money commuting to work. I'm pissed I don't know about my BBQ because I really really like Steak, its up there with cake.

The sad thing is I really believe in what our organization does and I see why we need to streamline and restructure. I feel I play a valuable part in the day to day operations but who knows what the Grand Pubah thinks behind that giant curtain of smoke and mirrors.

Well until I know what is to be my future I am open to suggestions for a career change. I've been mulling over a few ideas myself. I'll save that for another post though.

Kudo's to The Plug

I just have to give a shout out to fellow blogger The Plug for performing a truly cool social experiment. This Blogger left a camera tied to a park bench and left a note asking people to take some random pictures. The result is very cool and I am actually surprised that people were decent. I was expecting some pretty obscure things but it was nice smiley people, dogs, storefronts. The coolest thing is The Plug was able to get back the camera and share the results with the rest of the Blog world.

I hope someone takes this social experiment a little further. Why not leave a disposable camera in some more obscure places. An aisle at the supermarket, at a known teen hangout, a back alley. Hopefully the plug does some more.

Kudos to those who participated too. It must have been a nice place because the way my mind bends these days I was expecting some down the pants action... but then those 1 hour film places don't really like to develop those either.

Hats off to Brett Michaels

A while back I wrote a little snippit entitled Accept Your Hot Baldness
I was inspired by Brett Michaels after getting sucked into his little VH-1 show Rock of Love. It was summer, Big Brother was over, and again I think he is hot.

It drove me absolutely nuts though that he would never wear his hair without a bandana, ballcap or cowboy hat. I started to think the poor man was hiding a deep insecurity about his possible balding issues and wanted to make it very clear that being bald for a man is HOT.

Well much to my surprise, there was a season 2 of Rock of Love - Poor Brett didn't find his Rock Diva so back to the drawing board. I watched this time to see again if he would go au natural.

Sure enough he did. In the meet the folks episode he came out without any accessories for his beautiful head and he looked... awesome. So Brett... I doubt you will ever read this but I did think maybe you were bald and thought you should come out and be a very HOT Bald Brett Michaels. Sorry for that. Although I did have fun finding some alternative looks - I gotta admit that.

You are just a gorgeous rockstar any way you are. Keep those soulful ballads coming.

Cheers to Not Baldness

Signs your Mom might be becoming a 'Desperate Housewife'

So your Dad is a contractor and your mom is a busy stay at home woman about the house kinda girl.

After a few years of blissfully thinking your mom is full filled with well, you... you discover that somethings just aren't adding up.

Company is stopping by today and your mom has been up all night assembling cinder block sugar cubes.


Your bitchin' electronic drum set suddenly has acquired a set of lovely colour coded cozies.


To make matters worse the entire kitchen has been outfitted with cozies.


You might be starting to think your mother needs more than you and the house as a hobby.

I have a good suggestion but wait... if you don't believe me here is some more evidence.



She makes her own swifer because she can do it so much better and cheaper.



Not convinced yet....

This is a little replica of what she has planned for your prom after party theme.


Do the right thing.....





Tell your mother to have an affair - the sooner the better.

Oompah Loompah wannabe's

I've seen a trend of late out in blog land in on flickr.

It is prom season. Kids are all about their dresses, tuxes, hair, shoes and definitely not about looking pale.

I can only think that some prom preparers and celebrity wannabe's are taking their look from the little Oompah Loompah's from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Johnny Depp version.

Whats a kid to do when celebrities are the first to fall under the Orange one's spell.


Why why why... Tom Jones?


And if the sex bomb is glowing the Donald can't loose face now can he?

So those are the role models for grown men. See what is happening. Its becoming soilent orange.

Senator Kerry.... guilty in tangelino


Where men go the boys are sure to follow.



The women aren't off the hook either.

The other Donald or rather, Donnatella is a trend setter for big purses, big money and sadly big lips it appears. The Orangenista is setting the trend for fake.




Karina Schmirnoff, Dancing of the Stars et. al. Have all dipped in the same vat of over done Orange this spring.


So here are the poor unsuspecting victims of this years prom preparedness:











Honorable Mentions:

Next time use Clarins its a kinder gentler orange and does not streak.

Poor kid.





At least we are no longer baking ourselves in the sun. There is an addiction and its no laughing matter.


Its called tanning dependence and the body gets hooked on IV rays from the sun much like an addict would get their fix from a shot of alcohol or a line of cocaine.


So if you gotta be orange... get it from a bottle... of bronzer.

People will pay anything for art

I swear I could make a mint off my kids school art work.

I am surfing the web and come across this in a folk art gallery. They wanted $125 dollars for this. Canadian...American same difference right now.

If an adult drew this cudo's to them for making some sucker pay for this. If you want something similar for your walls spend a $125 dollars on art supplies and donate this to a first grade class. You will get a far better quality and variety plus the $125 dollars will be put to good use.

I support art, I am not an artist, my renderings are stick figures and not much more. However I think in a pinch the artist borrowed their child's class assignment. "Draw what you did this weekend."

Timmy inspired by a road trip to the pettying zoo with Mummy and Daddy drew furiously with red and green but didn't have lots of black so used a number 2 pencil instead to draw mummy and daddy.
I'm partial to the 'chickens??" in the right bottom corner.

blah blah

smoking in the girls room

I am a smoker, I'm not proud of it but there you go.

I was thinking back to the days in high school before homeroom bell would go off. Its 845 and the girls washroom is a blue haze. Teachers rarely entered choosing to pick their battles. Green and purple eyeshadow was reapplied for the 4th time since leaving home that morning, bonnie bell lip gloss swirled on, cigarettes passed back and forth between co-conspirators against the man. Yes it was against the rules, yeah it was a perfectly sunny day with several smoking locations on site but... this one happened to have a mirror and it was the 80s. We were smoking in the girls room.

On any given break on any given day there were at least 50 girls in the bathroom sharing smokes, touching up gloss, hair and purple mascara (again this was the 80s). You were never alone.

Now... there are 3 of us left at work who smoke. We go outside, not daring to break the rules because since there are only 3 of us its easier to point the finger as to who did it. Now the city has passed a law you can't stand near a business doorway. So along the streets in our cold northern ontario town you will see people clustered in 2's and 3's sharing a smoke and warmth. We still know everything thats going on in the building. If you are out of the loop ask a smoker.

Mosquito Coil Chair

I want something in my decor that will remind my guests of all the good times they've enjoyed at my hunt camp. Can you help me?
(I'm over hearing a conversation a bit one sided here so humor me)

The decoys scream "dust me" so I'll have to pass on that.

The Moose head? No... that would be a nightmare with my cats. Someone would come a sit down in a cozy chair with a nice cup of tea and Fluffy perched on an antler will think she has spotted prey. The tea stains not to mention second degree burns would not make for a repeat visit.

Stuffed Marlin... Hello! I'm on a fresh water lake.

I know what was that thing we used to keep the bugs away. No not the citronella candles.

Oh I know - do you have anything that resembles a Mosquito coil?! It would even be better if you could get the authenticity of the scent.

What, you have one but its unscented. Well one can't have everything.

I actually think this chair is very cool and looks actually quite comfy. It reminds me of the old flying saucer chairs my Grandma had in her sunroom with the big ugly multicolored green flower overlay.

Modern Grandma with a cottage twist.

How to's from HR - coles notes on firing

I've acquired more space at work to keep valuable files on site. The only downside is that we have to clean the narrow cupboard out. Its hard to discern what is still practical for the organization after 20 years of 'shelving' but we've been making a go of it when our part time girl has some rare free time.

Today I asked her to archive and ship off all the documents from the back area. Many were boxed up already. She took most of the morning studiously boxing, sealing and filling the right forms to head off site. When the records manager learned the contents of the boxes they were sent back. Archival is for documents - not texts, binders etc. This is no fault to our girl - she is fairly new and did exactly what she was told. The fault is me for not checking the boxes myself.

Anyways, we started digging through the boxes and came across a group of booklets published by a little management group company that gives the coles note version on how to's. The one that really caught my eye was "How to Fire Someone".

I was actually surprised to see this tome because our organization rarely fires anyone. We believe in retraining and our recruitment group is pretty snap at getting an keep excellent 'talent'. For the ones that I've rolled out the red carpet for management to fire from pattern Monday Friday back door holidays (I'm cough sick), chronic specialist appointments monthly over years by a very healthy person, not showing up to work, skimming off the top by inflating training hours or end times... sigh - retrain - no firing. There have been lots of warnings over the years - I've skinned by without one but maybe I'm not a textbook coles notes case. So for an organization who does not fire as a first resort - why do we have this little gem.

Skimming through the index for "How to Fire Someone" I came across the section on Page 80 "What to do if they cry"; "What to do if they don't say anything"; and What to say if they get angry."

Believe it or not there is a script for a manager to use and the book makes if very clear to STICK TO THE SCRIPT.

If they cry... be prepared have tissues on hand and give them a minute or two but then "right... get back into it" Okay Juanita I totally understand you are upset but we must move on. Here is your settlement package.... blah blah blah." Pause every time they cry but get on with it.

If they don't say anything they give you options that you might be considering saying in the wall of silence

• wave your hand in front of their face to see if they are present
• wait them out
  
• give them a few moments of quiet to get over the shock but proceed
• bang your fist on the table to get their attention (yes that option was there)
• refer to your watch and say we must move on as the next restructured person will arrive in 20 minutes and there is a lot to cover.

There were a few others but I chuckled over the bullets. The tome of course said point three.

Thats as far as I got for today but I had a good laugh. It sounds like just the book that would be used in "The Office" to build morale during downsizing.

The next book I'm going to dig into is "The perfect Performance Review" Yeah those are swell.

Someone left behind the little golden book set of gutless management tools that I am going to have a ball deconstructing.

There just might be a desk drawer drinking game created from this for desktop pundits in the org. Every time the manager quotes "xyz" pull out the drawer and take a swig.

No I do not drink at my office... not yet anyways.

This will make your cat seek revenge

I have 3 male cats that take a lot of pride in their kingly image. They are a no nonsense bunch of men. They are happy with their food, their drinking fountain, some good cat nip and will occasionally humour us with some silly toys if it is to their benefit.

The don't like crap.

Over the years we have tried to incorporate the outside into their lives but to keep them safe we bought them a collar harness. My big male is a virtual Houdini and can get out of anything and will punish you for the indignity at some point during the darkest hour of the night by a single claw tapping into your head. Its as if he is saying...

Don't ...tap
ever ...tap
do ....tap
that.... tap
AGAIN... tap.

So this collar here I wouldn't even bother - collars are wrong in the eyes of our cats. Not only that, when our cats are definitely purring is when you have them up close and are petting the heck out of them, saying their name and telling them how handsome they are.


I don't need a light up collar to tell me they are enjoying themselves. What a waste of money. The only benefit this collar could be for is I guess if someone had a hearing loss but I am positive they would still feel the vibrations.

This next thing would wage a feline war.

I can only guess that this little outfit must have been inspired by Rather Good's Vahalla featuring Viking kittens.

Cute but you can see by the look in this cats eyes that you are going to experience the wrath of a viking kitten in the not so distant future.






They are also extremely embarrassed for us when we reach a complete low on the costume front.

Grandma was cool if not a bit evil

I'm coming across a lot of circa 1940-70s merchandise and textiles that scream Grandma. To be clear - they are screaming my Grandma who was a young grandmother (late 40s when I was born).

This may just be a running segment on here.

For example - my Grandmother was a pretty crafty and capable woman. She could sew and knit everything - which she did. She could also design and build houses but thats besides the point she was my grandma... these are some of the things she did to lovetorture me as a kid. Taste is a matter of opinion.


One Canadian Thanksgiving back in the early 1970s my grandmother was wearing an outfit roughly similar to this style. She was like Betty from the Archie comics. She would see something once and sew it from memory.
My mom and Aunt made the big mistake of making a huge fuss over the dress and how much they loved it. Maybe they were being kind and sincere, maybe they were just giving 'oh mom get a life lip service'.

Anyways I think my grandmother got the last laugh because that Christmas all of us women of the family - my mom, my aunt, and unfortunately ME. Got a similar jumper style dress given to us. To make it worse It wasn't the dress that so much jogged this little memory but the material I just came across in a textiles search.




Do you feel sorry for me... a little. Today I would be just as evil as my Grandmother (and by evil I mean God its fun to mess with your loved ones just a little) and I would have handed that jumper down to my daughter. Careful how you kiss ass ladies I think was the lesson.

This pattern was on the seat pads of my grandmothers black formieca kitchen table.
After years of use the vinyl started to break down and if you were wearing your swim suit or short shorts (hello 70's) the cracks would leave a lovely pressed pattern when you got back up.
This pyrex dish set was one of many my grandmother worked with to make pastry for pies, mashed potatoes, mashed squash, etc. Grandma and Thanksgiving meals went together for years.

Sadly this last image reminds me totally of my poor grandpa. Now remember... my Grandma did all the shopping and sewing. Tell me if she wasn't just a little bit of a joker.

Bad Day at Black Rock

Best Movie line

"You completely wrong. You're completely wrong at the top of your voice."*


Don't you just love Spenser Tracey. What happened next in this scene was the best 1 handed ass kicking in movie history.

Jackie Chan.... wannabe

Jean Claude Van Damme...... poser

Steven Seigal..... okay I can't keep from laughing maniacally at any comparison there.

Spenser Tracey was and is... The Man.

*Movie in reference is Bad Day at Black Rock

Divorced at last! There will be a Mass at 2 pm.

First of all I'm not getting divorced.

I came across this and got a kick out of the concept.

You've done everything you need to do to drop that 150lb monkey off your back.

Hired a lawyer...... check
Boxed up the crap and had it shipped to insignificant other..... check.
Settled the assets..... check (if by burned their half at a lovely bonfire after the yardsale was complete then yes)
Stocked up on booze for divorce party....check.
Ordered ring coffin for burial....check
Had the plaque engraved for every memorializing that "never again' moment.....check

Mass entails 50 of your closest friends and loved ones supplied with margaritas and dollar store plastic flower lei's.

Burial plot - under the doghouse.

That feeling of satisfaction....priceless.

I support marriage but when they do go wrong, and I mean really wrong - this is a cute way to say good bye.

I got a real kick out of the plaque choices.

I'm quite partial to "Six Feet isn't deep enough!"

All this can be yours for $29.95 GREAT IDEA!

Seinfeld Inspired sleeper

Remember back to that great episode on Seinfeld where George would sleep under his desk?

I have been tempted a few times at work to do just the same. A nice little nest to have a few zzz's after a carb filled lunch and a looming SAP teleconference in motion.

What keeps me from crawling under... I have to actually pay attention to those SAP dronings and I have no idea how thorough the cleaning lady is when she vacuums at night.




A smart designer has come up with a solution to this problem of not want to nap on the floor at work.

The downside... this deskbed has been provided by management. They intend for you to sleep there. When the floor manager comes by sipping his coffee and saying you can go ahead and come in on Saturday (love the lumburg). They mean it literally. You are now married to your workspace. Your need to go home and blissfully crawl into bed to sleep has been resolved.

Now if you'll excuse me - I have to have to TPS reports done by tomorrow. Anyone seen my sleep mask?

Nightmares before sleeping

I am thinking there must be a new designer show out there somewhere in tvland entitled "Design to Scare"

Some sadistic parent has written in to the show and has lamented over her 4 year old not cooperating at bed time. Can they help.

This is the after picture. Wait until they reveal this to the child.

Hope they can afford the therapy bills.

Hamster Wheel for shoes

Well I've been on a bit of a shoe kick lately. I love shoes - I think they are pretty but for the most part the lot of them are impractical.

If I won the lottery I would probably have the same amount of shoes I own now. I can fantasize about Louboutin shoes, Jimmy Choo etc but my feet or my sense of balance rather, would not cooperate.

I get even a mini heel on me and there goes the ankle.

Yes dear readers I am rlhcopper and I am a klutz.

I love the pun on shoe obsessions lately. I adore the Kelly phenomenon going on right now...omg shoes!

I do have to ask though who looked at the hamster wheel one day and decided that would be a good way to store shoes?

Its actually a really great idea but still...

Inventors have amazing minds and I always like to hear the story behind the Eureka! aspect of their discoveries.

Like the 'suction' Dyson guy for the new vacuum out there.... at what point in his day did he feel the need to explore more 'suction'... just wondering.

Very bad birthday gift for OCD sufferer

Why would anyone want this door chain maze?

I'm all for games but this is crazy. Imagine knocking at the door and hearing just a minute!

scrape

scrape

scrape

scrape


oh crap wrong way...sorry sorry just a minute this stupid lock was a wedding gift.


scrape

scrape

scrape

The door finally opens and surprise its those early Saturday morning booklet people wanting to share the word....

I would have a word for them and the person that gave me this monstrosity.

I am in no means being cruel about someone who suffers for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have a friend who's son suffers from this horribly debilitating condition. Its all about rituals and number of progressions to ensure security. This child who makes sure the door is locked 5 times at exactly 10pm would be in tears.

Its a conversation piece for sure but again... I think a dude created this concept.

Shot to the foot

Okay all I can say is a guy had to have invented this little gem.

Hmm I'm walking the beach but I really wish I could take a shot of tequila every 100 meters or so...what to do? what to do?

The shoes are a nice concept, I love the colours but I'm going to drink a liquid that steps a little too close to rotting leaves, sand and doggie doo doo - No freaking way!

Tying in with a previous post on airport security does anyone not think this would be a bit of a nightmare at the airport.

Remember a few years back... the terrorist with explosives in the running shoes... this is a bit scary. Someone could walk on a plane in the guise that they are taking a lovely winter vacation and are ready with their sandals and meanwhile they are full of liquid explosives. Scary.
So to all the travelers out there waiting in line at airports - keep an eye out for these shoes.

These shoes definitely...suck!

Playmobile moves into airport security

Over the years Playmobile has inspired children to be pirates and space travelers. Why stop there...

Encourage children to aim for reality jobs... airport security.

Bobby what do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a pirate! That would be cool I could sail all day with my friends and eat with my fingers. I wouldn't have a bed time.

Wendy what you like to be when you grow up?
Well after my mother took away my barbies because they are a terrible representation of natural women. I'm going to be a truck driver.

Johnny sigh... okay little Johnny what do you want to be when you grow up?
Well I wanted to be an astronaut but then my Dad brought home the latest playmobile airport security game and now I want to wand people and snoop through luggage.

Window Lurker

Talk about misconceptions.

Yesterday I'm at my bedroom window on the second floor of the house petting my cat. He looked so content to be taking in the April sunshine I had to go over and make a fuss over him. So not only am I a crazy cat lady... I'm also at my window.

Now my neighbour across the street who I only know through waves in the morning from her arriving from work at the hospital and myself off to work. That is the nature of our rapport... good morning, lovely weather blah blah blah. Congenial but not personal.

Now here I am poised at my window with one of my cats when she comes out and gets in her car. I'm frozen. I normally do NOT care what people think of me. I am together enough in my own mild craziness that it just doesn't matter but I am struck with the thought... OMG do I stand here and wave because she might have seen me and if I pull away from the window she will think I am strange, do I stand in the window but avoid eye contact and make like I'm looking in the sky (loonie), or do I wait until she backs out and if she sees me... give a little wave (crazy loonie cat lady at the window watching the neighborhood).

Sadly I chose the later and somewhat regret it. As she pulled out she looked up and I raised my hand to do the lazy wave (hey I see you but I'm not flapping my arm like a lunatic) and give a small smile. This smile I sometimes observe can be taken as a smirk (crazy) or like I've tasted something bad. My intent is to be friendly reserved.

Her look was osmewhat taken aback. Like she wasn't expecting me there... and the thought nut might visibly be seen running across her face.

Now I feel the need to seek her out the next time I'm outside doing yard work and she pulls in to explain.

"Hey sorry if it looked like I was crazy waving at you the other day" I didn't want to come off as a snob if you had seen me and I didn't wave.

I mean who cares. I should have indulged the cat and gone about my business.

Call it a weak moment of self consciousness.

Did I mention since our female had 4 kittens we now have 8 cats... yes I am well on my way to becoming the crazy cat lady. My redemption is that I'm not single...