The Office Sneeze

There are two very nice people in my office that from time to time I want to take out and give them a face wash in the snowbank.

They have awful sneezes.

Everyone sneezes. You hear it all day long but these two grate on my nerves.

The first one is a lovely lady that actually squeaks like a mouse when she sneezes. SQUEAK! Just one. I've never actually heard her have multiple squeaks. Its over the top girly. She's a very prim and proper type of person - shes in Quality Assurance so it goes with the personality.

The last sneeze I heard yesterday I looked over at my co-worker who has a mind just like mine (god love her) and said...
"can you imagine if that is her Big sneeze what her big "O" must be like" I know inappropriate but that is moi.
I just can't imagine when she attempts such a lady like sneeze that she would be over the top "Oh God! Yes! Yes! Oooooooo!"

Nope it would be "o"

Then there is the dude. Nice guy but man he needs a total snowbank face wash. A few weeks ago on Oprah or the View ...one of those shows... they had a nasal channeler where you totally rinse out your clogged up nose. I would like to send him for further product testing of this product.

He doesn't actually sneeze. He in fact does not sneeze. It would probably create an explosion.

He honks.

He blows his nose and it sounds like an elephant is honking. He does this until the culprit from his lungs, no doubt, is dislodged.

Place your hands in a teepee and cup them over your nose and mouth.
Now make a sounds like you are giving a kid a giant zerpert (raspberry) on their belly. Hear how its channeled through your hands so its subdued but amplified at the same time....

Yeah he needs to be told.

How do you tell him without embarrasing both of you that his snorts are like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I'm thankful I can close my office door when he gets bad. He is out in the prarie pen of cubicles and his co-workers must just Looooove him.

I'm thinking anonymous note on the nasal draining gift.... get a clue dude.